


i know your wife, bet she would mind

by idleworship (sausegay)



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: #fingersinthebootyholeassbitch, F/M, M/M, hinata is boujee here, it's purely for comedy purposes, the hinata/naruto is minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 11:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21118271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sausegay/pseuds/idleworship
Summary: “Don’t know why you play with a fake dick when there’s a real one right here, but to each his own.” Sasuke takes a swig of water.or where naruto laments to sasuke about his marriage and reveals some interesting details; including homosexual tendencies.





	i know your wife, bet she would mind

**Author's Note:**

> 1) this is based off a running joke in our gc
> 
> 2) don't be butthurt, it's all jokes
> 
> 3) this is for arwa, who wanted me to write this! hope you like it :)
> 
> 4) title from cola by lana

“The real problem here is that our son doesn’t take advantage of the opportunities he’s given. I had nothing when I was growing up, but he’s able to sit in his room all day playing video games, smoking weed, and doxxing people on the internet or whatever the fuck that means. All I had was a spray can and rocks to keep me company.”

“See,” Hinata adds, daintily biting into her celery stick. “That’s what I don’t understand. If you didn’t have money, how were you able to afford a spray can?” 

Naruto blinks at her in confusion, he could’ve sworn they went over this before. “I stole it. Anyways, the point still stands that I had it way worse than he does. He’s crying about having two parentsin a healthy relationship, well boohoo I didn’t even know who my parents were.” 

“That’s so sad.” She tries to fake empathy by adding a sigh at the end. Naruto appreciates the effort. “Have you tried talking to him?”

“Yes,” Naruto cries out, causing Hinata to jump at the volume of the outburst. He begins pacing, “I keep telling him to go train outside or pick up some spare missions around the village but he just slams the door in my face and blasts his loud music.” Naruto squats angrily in the middle of his rant, hands gripping his hair. “When I was his age I was already saving the world. I got a crow shoved down my throat and defeated Madara to have a kid who doesn’t even respect his old man.” This is straight bullshit, he can’t help but think. 

“Dear,” Hinata replies calmly, approaching him like he’s a feral animal. “Your tone is very pointed right now. It’s nice having you back home, but frankly the yelling is scaring me. Did you take your medication?”

“No. It makes me, you know,” Naruto gestures uselessly at his lower half. 

Hinata closes the lid on her vegetables and crosses her hands over the container. “But it helps with the outbursts. Your therapist talked about this.”

“He’s no fun.”

“The help is never supposed to be fun. Neji wasn’t very fun.” Hinata flips her hair over her shoulder. “Rest in peace,” she adds, almost as an afterthought. 

A knock at the door interrupts whatever Naruto was going to add. He stands up straight, ready to go answer it, but Hinata grabs his arm to steady him. “It’s alright honey, I believe that’s my yoga instructor.” Now that she’s permanently a housewife and no longer fighting, she seeks other ways to maintain her tight figure. What’s the point of her having gotten a second liposuction if she’s just going to let it all go to waste. 

Walking towards the door, she opens it and almost closes it immediately in shock. It’s him. 

Standing there, covered in a cloak with windswept her is her arch-nemesis. Sasuke probably isn’t aware that they’re arch-nemesis, but Hinata hates him anyways. 

“Where’s Naruto?”

“He’s not here-” Hinata begins, trying to politely shut the door, but Naruto blows her cover by shoveling past her. 

“Sasuke!” He sounds so excited. Hinata would frown, but it’s unbecoming of a woman of her status. She settles for a fake smile instead. “What’re you doing back? I thought you were gone for the rest of the month.”

“I finished early. I wanted to see you.”

“I missed you too bastard. Come in, come in, ” Naruto moves out of the way to let Sasuke in. Hinata almost gets trapped behind the door.

Hinata cringes at the begging. Naruto sounds two seconds away from adding ‘in me.’ 

Sasuke takes off his cloak and hangs it up. 

Whore, Hinata can’t help but think as the man effortlessly flexes with his muscles on display. The sleeveless low-v neck tunic he’s sporting makes her want to ask him to put his cloak back on. She can almost see his nipples. 

Naruto guides Sasuke over to their expensive living room, letting him sit down in his favorite seat. Hinata cringes, they just got those clean, she hopes he doesn’t dirty them. Who knows what his hygiene is like after being homeless for so long. 

I mean, Hinata thinks to herself, who willingly chooses to sleep on dirt in the woods. It’s one of the main reasons she got wifed up by Naruto so fast. That ninja life truly wasn’t for her. 

Taking a seat on the arm of the chair Sasuke’s sitting in, Naruto happily tells his “friend” about his day so far. She doesn’t even know why he sounds so happy to talk about it, all he did was wake up after farting on her, take a shit, argue with Boruto, and sneak away to his old office to go eat ramen for breakfast instead of her home cooking. 

Honestly the things she does for this man and he doesn’t even have the audacity to thank her. 

Sighing, she decided to walk away from the two and narrowly avoids the urge to stare Sasuke to death. Making her way to the dining room, it feels about a good a time as any to lock away her expensive silver. 

“So that’s how retirement’s been for you?” Sasuke asks, casually draping his arm over Naruto’s waist. 

“Yeah, pretty much. I’m home more, which is cool I guess. The kids are getting to be more of a handful in their age, especially Boruto.” Naruto shakes away that thought. “Anyways, how’s travelling been?”

As Sasuke tells Naruto about his travels, there’s another knock on the door. Hinata rushes to go get it. 

The two can hear her at the door as she greets the person. “It must be her yoga instructor,” Naruto notes. Sasuke offers a hum. 

“Thank you so much for the tea,” Hinata talks with a lot of enthusiasm with her instructor. She comes rushing in with a male figure trailing behind her. Tight ass, hair tied in a bun, and spandex shorts. 

Sasuke may or may not check him out as he walks by. 

“No problem,” the guy laughs as Hinata leads him outside. He too is carrying his own tea. It’s one of those weird drinks with the balls and a very long and complicated name to match the long list of ingredients. 

The back door shuts firmly behind them and their conversation gets muted, although Naruto and Sasuke still have a clear view of the outside. 

“Doesn’t it bother you that he gets to just bend your wife over like that.” As if to prove his point, the instructor guides Hinata into a downward dog pose. 

“No, why would it?” Naruto cocks his head to the side. Sasuke thinks he looks cute when he’s confused. 

If anything, Naruto thinks, the image only sparks memories of when he was younger and used to jack it to his memories of sparring with Sasuke where Sasuke would bend him over like that. However, for the sake of his marriage he promised himself to keep those thoughts away. Sasuke’s presence always conjures them up.

“Not saying that jealousy is always warranted, however you’re telling me that that does nothing to you? Last time you told me you and her weren’t banging much.”

“It’s the meds,” Naruto whines, “they make it so hard.”

“Is it the meds or just a lack of interest?” Sasuke raises a pointed eyebrow at him.

“Fuck off, like you’d know anything. You’ve never been in a relationship in your entire life, so how do you know what I should be feeling? Huh?” Naruto gets all up in his face about it. Sasuke shoves him away half-heartedly. 

“That feeling isn’t mutually exclusive for a relationship. For example, if one of your friends decided to bend you over and feel you up like that,” Sasuke points to where the instructor is helping Hinata bend her legs by gliding his hand down her thigh. “I’d be very upset.” He imagines Shikamaru or Gaara doing it and it makes him angrier. 

“Oh,” Naruto says, looking down at Sasuke with a surprised but admired expression. The arm Sasuke has around his waist comes to rest on Naruto’s lap and it makes him squirm. He hasn’t felt this alive since the last time he hung out with Sasuke. “Well,” Naruto clears his throat, “she’s not cheating on me, despite what you’re insinuating.”

“Oh I wasn’t insinuating anything, merely questioning and observing. And I know she wouldn’t cheat on you,” Sasuke says. This is the same girl who rivaled Sasuke in Naruto observation. She’s dedicated her entire life to becoming Naruto’s wife and getting his attention. He knows she wouldn’t screw up now. 

“I once walked in on her masturbating on our bed after she got done with one of their sessions. She threw the dildo at me and told me to get out. It was annoying, but only because that’s the one we share and I hope she didn’t break it.” Naruto says casually. Sasuke nods solemnly along. The whole strap thing comes as no surprise to him, considering Naruto’s been gagging for his dick for years. 

“Sounds fun.”

“Yeah, it is sometimes.” Naruto pushes his hair behind his ear. “She keeps having to get her nails redone because she refuses to walk around with two of them filled down, but it’s whatever.” 

Sasuke stands up, cracking his arms above his head. Heading to the kitchen like he owns the place, he raids the fridge for a water. Naruto follows behind him dutifully. 

“Don’t know why you play with a fake dick when there’s a real one right here, but to each his own.” Sasuke takes a swig of water. “I also don’t even understand why you two haven’t divorced yet.” He’s not trying to goad Naruto, merely just asking, but if Naruto does happen to divorce her, well...

Naruto completely ignores Sasuke’s first statement and only focuses on the second one. “I remember that night she got drunk at the dinner with the Sand officials and told everyone about how I like fingers in my ass. It’s great motivation honestly.” And in Naruto’s opinion, that’s pretty tame compared to the other stuff she has on him. He thinks the short black wig under the bed is even worse. 

A while ago, Naruto joked about divorcing her and she threatened to pull up to his next Hokage meeting and show everyone his favorite dildo, which he may or may not have gotten in an exact replica of Sasuke’s, but that’s irrelevant. 

“It was very humiliating. Gaara wouldn’t look me in the eyes for days.”

Sasuke frowns in confusion at that. As if Gaara himself doesn’t like fingers in his ass. Sasuke can spot another homosexual when he sees one and if there isn’t someone who’s wanted Naruto’s cock more than him and Hinata, it’s Gaara. 

“She’d probably go on public broadcast to tell the world about how you like dicks up your ass or something. Honestly, with what people have assumed about us over the years, does it really seem that bad?”

When Sasuke takes another sip, Naruto makes sure to hit the water bottle so it spills all down his shirt. That’s what he gets, jackass.


End file.
